News 2020
All the news that will be news around the world around fifteen years from now
Futures traders wishing to profit unfairly from the revelations contained herein are invited to apply to the reporter with appropriate incentives
Tributes have continued to flood in for George W Bush, who died this Monday after a long conversation. The junior minister for culture in Britain, Victoria Beckham, praised the Commander-in-Chief's contributions to the English language, particularly his popularisation of two children's books, Hop on Pop and My Pet Goat. The latter book, which the then US President read aloud to comfort distressed children on the dark day of 11 September 2001, was described by Ms Beckham as "a masterpiece ... better than Frederick Forsyth."
In a carefully worded statement, the ruling oligarchy in China praised Mr Bush's command of Spanish and his commitment to the free market. The Chinese comment must obviously be seen in light of the recent tension between America and China over the issue of GM rice. The US corporation General Foods is suing the Chinese government for feeding its people rice which allegedly contains genetic material which a subsidiary of General Foods patented in the early 2000s.
Those much-loved British institutions, Sir Mark Thatcher and Lord Archer, received a liberators' welcome in Equatorial Guinea yesterday when they made a brief stop on their round-the-world tour. Riot police in full armour had to turn out in order to keep the elderly peers from being swamped by adoring natives, who revere them for their part in restoring democracy to their country. "It's wonderful to be appreciated," said Lord Archer later. "They are just like happy children," said Sir Mark. "I hope not too many got shot."
The tour is one of Lord Archer's latest ideas for raising money in charitable causes; the object this time being to relieve the distress of Britain's elderly, many of whom have failed to invest sufficiently in appropriate pension schemes. Lord Archer claims that the NuLibLab coalition's plan to raise the retirement age to eighty is not enough, and that only "acts of philanthropy in an altruistic spirit of philanthropic altruism" can help the situation.
Inuit fundamentalists have attacked the Cheneyville pipeline in Alaska, killing three oil workers and injuring nine. A spokesperson for the Big Dick corporation, which owns Cheneyville, condemned the murders as "pointless acts of destruction of valuable mineral and human resources" and added that the company would continue in its efforts "to provide cheap and efficient energy to the world, regardless of these evil madmen who think we should all live in igloos and eat blubber for breakfast."
Futures traders wishing to profit unfairly from the revelations contained herein are invited to apply to the reporter with appropriate incentives
Tributes have continued to flood in for George W Bush, who died this Monday after a long conversation. The junior minister for culture in Britain, Victoria Beckham, praised the Commander-in-Chief's contributions to the English language, particularly his popularisation of two children's books, Hop on Pop and My Pet Goat. The latter book, which the then US President read aloud to comfort distressed children on the dark day of 11 September 2001, was described by Ms Beckham as "a masterpiece ... better than Frederick Forsyth."
In a carefully worded statement, the ruling oligarchy in China praised Mr Bush's command of Spanish and his commitment to the free market. The Chinese comment must obviously be seen in light of the recent tension between America and China over the issue of GM rice. The US corporation General Foods is suing the Chinese government for feeding its people rice which allegedly contains genetic material which a subsidiary of General Foods patented in the early 2000s.
Those much-loved British institutions, Sir Mark Thatcher and Lord Archer, received a liberators' welcome in Equatorial Guinea yesterday when they made a brief stop on their round-the-world tour. Riot police in full armour had to turn out in order to keep the elderly peers from being swamped by adoring natives, who revere them for their part in restoring democracy to their country. "It's wonderful to be appreciated," said Lord Archer later. "They are just like happy children," said Sir Mark. "I hope not too many got shot."
The tour is one of Lord Archer's latest ideas for raising money in charitable causes; the object this time being to relieve the distress of Britain's elderly, many of whom have failed to invest sufficiently in appropriate pension schemes. Lord Archer claims that the NuLibLab coalition's plan to raise the retirement age to eighty is not enough, and that only "acts of philanthropy in an altruistic spirit of philanthropic altruism" can help the situation.
Inuit fundamentalists have attacked the Cheneyville pipeline in Alaska, killing three oil workers and injuring nine. A spokesperson for the Big Dick corporation, which owns Cheneyville, condemned the murders as "pointless acts of destruction of valuable mineral and human resources" and added that the company would continue in its efforts "to provide cheap and efficient energy to the world, regardless of these evil madmen who think we should all live in igloos and eat blubber for breakfast."
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