The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

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The Indonesian government has offered a new set of concessions to its tiny neighbour East Timor in the ongoing conflict over the Timorese weapons of mass destruction. Indonesia has said that it will withdraw half its troops from East Timor and allow an international peacekeeping force to take partial control of the country if the Timorese government hands over its stock of chemical and biological weapons. Jakarta says that these weapons, if they exist, constitute a "grave existential threat" to Indonesia and perhaps the entire south Pacific region. Indonesia's actions have the full backing of several of the UN Security Council's permanent members, including new member Australia.

The Sub-Sahara Water Company may face liquidation after failing to show a profit for the eighth consecutive quarter, it emerged today. The company made large profits during the first two years of its existence, after Overseas Development Minister Clare Kurtz helped facilitate the streamlining of water supply in Ghana, Somalia, Zimbabwe, Uganda and Kenya.

However, returns have fallen thanks to catastrophic droughts in several areas, and to the Africans' traditional unwillingness to engage with new approaches to moisture. Some tribesmen have resorted to violence in an effort to gain control of the privatised wells, necessitating expensive security measures.

"This company has always put the customer first," says Sub-Sahara Water's latest report. "However, when exploring opportunities among different cultures it is not always easy to endow customers with a full appreciation of the advantages of the arrangement." Even a special offer of a free garden sprinkler with every bottle of water sold has failed to prevent a massive dying-off of customer loyalty, the report concludes.

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