The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

News 2020

Putting the wind up the first draft of history

Futures traders wishing to profit unfairly from the revelations contained herein are invited to apply to the reporter with appropriate incentives

Thousands of bodies have been found in a mass grave near what was formerly the border of Iraq and Kuwait. Preliminary surveys by Amnesty Impartial claim that up to 20,000 bodies were shovelled into a huge pit and then covered over, probably by bulldozers.

The grave appears to date from the early 1990s, probably from the time of Operation Desert Storm, when the British and American governments led a military coalition to free the tiny republic of Kuwait from the grip of the dictator Saddam Hussein and restore the picturesque emir's democracy which had flourished there since time immemorial.

Most if not all of the bodies appear to be male, and a few rusty rifles have been discovered in the grave as well, leading to speculation that the bodies could be those of American GIs who up till now have been considered "missing in action" in the Middle East. A fresh ultimatum has been issued to the Iranian government in exile "just in case," the US State Department said today.

However, Amnesty Impartial has said that the bodies are unlikely to be those of Americans. "I don't think there were that many killed or captured during the 1990 war," a worker said. Another possibility is that the men were Iraqis whom Saddam had murdered for refusing to face the might of the American military machine.

The US government has replied that, although Saddam Hussein's forces were laughably inadequate to face the might of the American military machine, some Allied soldiers were killed in accidents or as a result of friendly fire. "It's entirely possible that this is a particularly tragic instance of friendly bulldozing," said State Department spokesperson Fulsome J Huggins. "Saddam may have kidnapped millions of servicepersons that he just wouldn't admit to, and whose plight America could not in conscience publicise for fear of being used as an instrument of publicity for evil."

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