The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

News 2020

It isn't true yet, but it will be

Two British security contractors have been killed by an automotively-mounted domestically-assembled explosive device (AMDED) in the outskirts of Basra in Iraq. The men have not yet been named pending notification of next of kin and filing of insurance claims, but they are known to have been attached to the 951st Princess Diana Division, which specialises in land-mine oriented proactive defensive procedures and spontaneous infant-directed acts of largesse.

The deaths bring to 479 the total of British personnel killed in the Basra region since the last insurgency but one was officially declared suppressed for the second time. The Prime Minister said that he was "shocked and saddened" at the news.

"All our hearts must go out to the families and loved ones of these men, who have been brutally murdered by a callous enemy," he said. The terrorists were "an irrational and fanatical force of evil," he continued, with a "blind and bigoted hatred of any and all troops in their country who do not happen to be their own." This attitude of "deadly noncosmopolitanism," he said, could not be permitted to flourish in an ever more interconnected global society.

None of the various terrorist groups in Basra, which comprise an estimated 67% of the population, have yet claimed responsibility for the blast. Experts say that the lack of warning and the ferocity of the attack indicate that it may have been another operation by the blind snaggle-toothed ex-insurance salesman and Islamopath Mossad ar-Qiddinyu, who has cunningly evaded capture for several years despite his followers being decimated at least three times a day by smart bombs and "overinterrogation phenomena".

As news of the latest human tragedy in the region went out, British commanders were rallying their units. "We can't afford to let this kind of thing go on without retaliating," said Lieutenant-Colonel Vernon Wimsey. "It's painful to have to do it, but we're just going to have to go through the city again and democratise until these incidents stop. Democratise with extreme prejudice," he said.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home