The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

News 2020

Putting the wind up the first draft of history

The British government has announced a new initiative to help solve the problem of the terrorist suspects detained in America's Guatanamo Bay prison complex.

Precise figures are not available for reasons of national security, but it is thought that up to 150 of the detainees have been resident in the United Kingdom at one time or another on a temporary basis while engaged in unknown activities under circumstances which are at present unclear.

The Prime Minister recently confirmed during question time that many of the detainees hold British passports. He went on to remind the public that "passport-oriented vigilance is the eternal price of holidays".

Opposition leader Boris Johnson said that the detention without trial of British passport holders was "a travesty" and asked why, in light of Britain's ancient traditions of justice and fair play, more had not been done to revoke the citizenship of the detainees.

The Prime Minister replied that this would set an awkward precedent for detainees held without trial in Britain's own detention centres, but that a special cross-party committee, headed by Minister of Immigration and Deportation Eugene Trueblood, would be appointed to look into the matter.

The committee's findings will be adopted promptly and in full, subject to the convenience of the United States government, the Prime Minister said today.

The initiative consists of an expansion of the idea of citizenship classes, which was originated early in the century by the then Prime Minister, Lord Blair of Belmarsh.

Citizenship tutors will be sent to Cuba to give detainees classes in Afghan, Pakistani, Baghdadi or Iranian citizenship, after which it is hoped that the terrorist suspects will no longer have the inclination to claim British residency as an excuse for their actions.

Mr Johnson praised the committee for its work, but condemned the initiative as a needless waste of public money. "British taxpayers should not have to stand by and see their taxes used in the profligate giving away of foreign citizenships," he said.

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