The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

News 2020

A future so foul it's practically inevitable

The junior Minister of Culture, Victoria Beckham, has officially welcomed the publication of the new edition of the Oxford English Dictionary on behalf of the British Government.

Although the new dictionary contains several hundred new words, including long-time popularisms like innit and fackin, this year's edition is almost 26% shorter than the previous version, thanks to the removal of words and phrases like "greenbelt" and "apostrophe", which are no longer in use.

Many of the words which remain have acquired new definitions to keep up with the changes in the language as it is spoken. The word democracy has gained a record 17 new meanings, although several of these have resulted in controversy, with traditionalists claiming that the dictionary is being taken over by "Americanisms".

"There are always a few traditionalists who prefer to stick to the original definitions," said Oxford co-editor Mal Propp. "The word democracy, for example, originally meant rule by the people. But that was in Athens two and a half millennia ago, and the world has moved on a bit since then."

In a brief speech at Oxford University, Ms Beckham used a number of her favourite one-syllable words to express her enthusiasm for the dictionary, and her appreciation for the compilers' efforts. "To those who diss our speak, we say just this: this book is well fab, right," she concluded, to solemn applause from the assembled dons.

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