The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005

News 2020

Media pundits declare electoral favourites

With the latest voting season well under way in Britain's mother of democracies, media professionals and pundits have begun declaring their preferences in accordance with time-honoured tradition.

Aside from the BBC, which is completely independent and thus does whatever the incumbent tells it, all of Britain's major news agencies are expected to declare support for one or other of the political parties within a week or two of the voting season's opening.

Unlike most British electoral rituals, such as the banging of Black Rod and the making of crosses on pieces of paper, media professionals' declarations serve a discernible and democratofavourable purpose by reassuring potential voters that, in taking part in the electoral process through the utilisation of their domestically installed Diebechtel voting machines, they can help to ensure that the party governing their country either changes or stays the same.

Among the first to declare were the conservative tabloids, the Sun and the Daily Maul. Both papers published editorials sharply criticising the NuLabLib coalition for failing to maintain the asylum seeker/immigrant arrest (ASIA) quotient at a satisfactory level.

Arrests of asylum seekers and illegal immigrants have continued to increase under the present government, but the rate of increase has slowed markedly in the past three years. The Government claims this is a sign that its measures are working, but the tabloids agreed with Opposition leader Boris Johnson's assessment that "this swamping must cease".

Among the quality papers, the Nearly Independent and Upper Middle-Class Advertiser said forthrightly that a vote for the opposition might well be interpreted as a wish to see the opposition in power, and that those who did not wish to see the opposition in power should vote for the Government even if they did not particularly care for it.

Although her newspaper has yet to make up its mind officially, veteran Guardian columnist Tynee Pollyp commented forthrightly today that voters who were disillusioned with NuLibLab's policies should put their qualms behind them and hope that the coalition would change direction once it gained another mandate.

Interviewed by a foreign newspaper, former Guardian editor Allan Fusbudget said forthrightly that voting for someone other than the Government or the official opposition was "clearly an option", although not altogether an option from which it could unequivocally be said that possibly unforeseen results might not perhaps emerge.

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