The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

News 2020

Britain applies ethical foreign policy to violence-torn republic

Troops have been killed in Uzbekistan while putting down a potential revolt against the government. The four soldiers were all in their twenties and were good family men. An unknown number of rioters were also killed. "We don't do body counts," said Tashkent police chief Christian Kalashnikov.

International reaction to the incident has been one of concern tempered with understanding. Uzbekistan is a valued ally of the US in its war on impropriety, and Uzbek troops have been deployed in support of Allied operations in former Iraq, former Iran, former Syria, former Lebanon, former Afghanistan, and northern Africa.

However, the prevailing attitude of anti-Americanism in much of the world - even the civilised world - means that the US has been accused by critics of turning a blind eye to the Uzbekistan government's patchy human rights record.

The US and other allies have responded that sales of small-arms and perpetrator restraint equipment to Uzbekistan are always explicitly marked "For Humane Use Only", but some pressure groups are still dissatisfied.

The US State Department said today that Uzbekistan's efforts to improve human rights should be "greeted with encouragement rather than unconstructivity". Uzbekistan has an elected leader who regularly gains approval ratings of 80% or more in opinion polls, and although the number of people being boiled to death has increased since the onset of anti-government militancy, the underlying trend is set to start decreasing.

The US Commander-in-Chief today called on both sides in the conflict to show restraint. The Prime Minister, in accordance with Britain's ethical foreign policy, called on both sides in the conflict to listen to the US Commander-in-Chief's call to show restraint.

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