The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, May 20, 2005

News 2020

Self-defence industry up in arms at new restrictions

Britain and her allies are committed to opposing new restrictions on the self-defence and perpetrator restraint industries, the Foreign Secretary confirmed today.

The restrictions, which were first proposed eight years ago by various countries of no particular significance, will be placed before the UN Security Council for final rejection tomorrow.

At present, under international law, all weapons and perpetrator restraint equipment must be clearly marked "For Humane Use Only". This rule was introduced during Lord Blair of Belmarsh's historic third term in office as Prime Minister, when he undertook a single-handed crusade for human rights across the world.

However, the rule has not been particularly effective in preventing human rights abuses, and the UN has been criticised for not doing more.

The self-defence industry has also complained that profits are being lowered because the rule imposes extra costs in time, labour and ink. The US government reimburses the industry for only 75% of these costs, and the British government only 70%.

The new ruling would oblige manufacturers to mark their products in the language of the receiving country as well as in that of the country in which the goods were made.

"This is typical of the kind of unrealistic thinking which has cost the United Nations so much credibility in recent years," the Foreign Secretary said today. "If this measure is allowed to pass into international law, it will simply be ignored. Industrial contributors will ignore it, and governments will ignore it."

Britain's ethical foreign policy would not permit the Government to stand by and permit international law to be breached, he continued. "And for that reason, Britain and her allies will be fighting hard to prevent this measure becoming law in the first place."

A spokesperson for Hallibechtel Protection Inc., which manufactures attitude amelioration fittings and urinary arc enhancers for the Guatanamo and Abu Ghraib terrorist restraint complexes, said that the company welcomed the Allies' support.

"It will be a sad day for world freedom if the supply of this vital equipment is arbitrarily limited at a time when demand has never been higher," said Hallibechtel executive Wrackham Hoode.

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