The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Thanks, Mugs

Now that the election is over, the General Secretary of the Labour party has sent me a brief note of thanks for all my help. The optimism of New Labour is uncanny; not only did they assume I could be scared into line with threats of a Howard government, but they appear to believe I was a sufficiently fervent supporter to be wafted onto the campaign trail by the hamster-ridden humour of John O'Farrell.

"This election has been a tough fight from start to finish. It is a fight we have won," begins General Secretary Matt Carter. New Labour has "a clear mandate" for its "radical programme of reform." This evidently explains the pusillanimous continuance of Thatcherism which has characterised the Labour parliaments of 1997 and 2001. They were waiting for a genuine mandate; and now, with ninety-five seats lopped off their majority and with nothing to hope for from their Beloved Leader except a speedy exit, at last the mandate is theirs.

"What is also clear," continues Matt Carter, "is that the Conservative Party has stalled. Their failure to change, failure to come to terms with modern Britain, is reflected in their failure to secure any significant increase in their share of the popular vote." This is rather fine coming from the General Secretary of a party whose share of the popular vote amounted to a distinctly underwhelming thirty-seven per cent. Tony Blair won his historic third term on fewer votes than Neil Kinnock got when he lost to Edwina Currie's close personal friend, whose name has slipped my memory, in 1992.

Anyway, despite finally gaining that mandate for radical reform, New Labour "will, as the Prime Minister has said, listen to what the people said in this election and govern wisely". On the other hand, they will "continue to change Britain for the better". They have that programme for radical reform, of which the prevention of terrorism bill, the identity card scheme and the upgraded blasphemy law are presumably mere adumbrations; but at the same time they're going to govern wisely and listen to what the people said at the election. I believe what the people said at the election was mainly "X" - apart from silence, that's about the only option - but I am not sure how even the wisdom of New Labour will be able to translate it into policy. I might anticipate some fun watching them try, if I only had the option of doing so from a safe distance.

Matt Carter laments the loss of "some great MPs", but tactfully refrains from giving examples. "With a third consecutive Labour government we have the chance to change the lives of a whole generation for the better," he writes. Eight years of war and privatisation have not been enough; New Labour will not rest until a whole generation has been affected. "We have that chance because of you," Matt Carter concludes. So whatever happens, it's all my fault again. Even in victory, New Labour cannot stop blaming the electorate.

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