The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, June 10, 2005

The Satanic Supplement

Conformity,n. Society's strength, politics' courage, consumerism's virtue and education's reason.

Excessive,adj. Minimum necessary force, as used by the enemy.

Gossip,n. Someone who spreads damaging lies about you and/or damaging truths about others.

Knighthood,n. Hereditary defect which a monarch may bestow on someone other than their progeny.

Nebulous,adj. The policies of someone running for office, and the principles of someone who attains it.

Overdo,v.t. To carry an action too far towards its logical extreme, e.g. to practice in real life those virtues which you have hitherto had the good sense merely to tout.

Pupil,n. The one-way pane in what the ancients called the window of the soul. As any modern anatomist will tell you, the room from which the pupil looks out is small, dim and filled with two varieties of lukewarm slime. The ancients have an uncanny habit of being right about these matters, one way or another.

Statesman,n. Dead politician, who when alive made the kind of mistakes which are now coming back into fashion.

Wont,n. A habit, and therefore a contradiction of someone else's will.

Xylophagous,adj. Living off wood. The term applies to numerous lower forms of life, including species of worm, grub, louse and Hollywood film producer.

Zotch,n. Any nail, tent-peg, wooden stake or overcooked baguette which has been, or is in the process of being, hammered through somebody's skull with malicious intent.
And Mrs Heber went and zotched Sisera good.
Judges 4, xxi: Revised Trendy Version

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