The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, October 24, 2005

News 2020

PM promises radical education shake-up

The Prime Minister has promised "more choice, more causes of choice" for parents and pupils in his forthcoming education encyclical which will be issued tomorrow.

In a speech to the Faith and Education Committee for England and Scotland today, the Prime Minister promised a greater role for faith-based initiatives in supporting parental choice.

The Prime Minister's proposals were greeted with enthusiasm by the members of FaECES. "At last the Government is getting down to fundamentals," said mother of two Millicent Mogley-Proctor.

"Just as free will is the basis for true faith, so faith is the bastion of knowledge and unquestioning obedience the eternal path to gainful human resource utilisation potential," the Prime Minister said.

The controversial reforms will put parents "at the forefront of British educationality" by enabling them to opt out of the compulsory education system and arrange for the education of their children in a manner of their own choosing.

"Some parents may even choose to teach their children themselves, and we intend to opportunify the enforcement of this kind of educative parentality within the family unit," the Prime Minister said.

Parents wishing to have their children educated in the home environment will be able to claim special vouchers entitling the domestic unit to a set number of educational visits by charitable and religious representatives for moral augmentation of the benefiting juvenile resource.

Eventually, the "cumbersome present-day system" of troublesome, state-subsidised specialist "teachers" could be done away with altogether, the Prime Minister concluded.

But in other quarters, the controversial proposals have been greeted with controversy.

The leader of the NuConLib Alliance, Boris Johnson, has criticised the proposals for insufficient stress on corporal punishment, while the opposition's educative opportunification spokesperson, Candidave Davis-Davidson, has pointed out the limited opportunities afforded by the domestic environment for "the healthy cameraderie of the prefect-fag relationship."

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