The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, July 21, 2006

News 2020

New technology to enhance victimhood representation

Scientific advances in genetic engineering could soon be co-opted into the war on judicial softitude by enabling victimhood representationalisation to be carried to hitherto unheard-of new levels of fairness and equitability, a new report says.

The report, by the research and development team at Hallibechtel Humans plc, predicts that human cloning will enable victims of crime to be reproduced in sufficient numbers to take "a highly pro-active role" in the trials of suspects while retaining economic viability.

"This is a very exciting development," said Hallibechtel research director Myron Glutz today. "We can even envisualate the possible resurrectification of those whose previous lives have been prematurely insurance-positivised via murderous activity."

Even in ordinary non-fatal jury cases, the developments could make a difference on behalf of the victim, Mr Glutz asserted.

Within a few years it should be possible to produce entire juries, or even entire courts, from a single sample of a victim's genetic structure, and so ensure "beyond reasonable shadow of a doubt" that the interests of victims were seen to out-importantify those of suspects, he said.

Home Office spokesresource Vesta Tulgid said today that the company was to be congratulated for its contribution to justice and fairness in British courts.

She added that Government reforms would aim to facilitate the co-option of new advances into legal procedure by enhancing mutually beneficial linkages between provision agencies and the justice industry.

The company which is contracted to run Britain's courts, Hallibechtel Justice and Human Resource Reclamation plc, issued a statement saying it was "interested".

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