News 2020
US voters brace for extended choicefest
The US Commander-in-Chief will face what many have referred to as what will be considered a perceived referendum on his administration tomorrow, when millions of Americans swipe their CVC cards on their Diebechtel DomestoDemocratoMatic™ voting machines and press the button which will indicate their personalised opinion of the way their country has been governed for the past two years.
White House spokesperson Hooter Fubsy said today that America's voting machines are "one hundred and ninety-four per cent working", so there is unlikely to be any repeat of the embarrassment caused four years ago, when a 24-hour electricity blackout caused a vote which was widely perceived as a referendum on the administration's energy policy to be placed in what the White House calls "a permanent state of suspended declaration".
The Civic Virtue Credit system, which the Prime Minister is expected to introduce in Britain once the last of the National Identity Databases has been completely outsourced to Calcutta, has also "undergone extensive positive enhancement", according to Mr Fubsy.
"Specifically, the glitch which during the last voterisation motivity exercise permitted voting only by registered malcontents has now been rectificated," Mr Fubsy said.
Under the Homeland Constitution, registered malcontents are not normally granted sufficient Civic Virtue Credits to cast even single votes, in case their influence causes "liberty lurch", the societal instabilitisation phenomenon which, if left to itself, can endanger the very existence of democracy by causing incorrect choices to be made.
For the first time, voters this year will have more than two choices thanks to the flexible democrativity feature on the new Diebechtel machines. Besides the usual opinions of "Perfect" and "Damn Near Perfect", Americans will also be able to vote for a third option, "Mighty Fine". It is thought that this will enable pollsters to attain a more nuanced vision of the American public's state of mind.
The Commander-in-Chief himself is said to be "quietly confident" of the usual 98%-99.99% rating of "Perfect", although some commentators have suggested that the new "Mighty Fine" rating may cause the administration an unpleasant surprise.
The Commander-in-Chief appeared to anticipate the possibility of a lowered rating during yesterday's press conference from the Oval Bunker via terror-hardened weblink. "It is not the place of Americans to be satisfied with less than perfection," the Commander-in-Chief said. "Accordingly, a vote for a lower degree of approval can mean only one thing: evil wins."
The US Commander-in-Chief will face what many have referred to as what will be considered a perceived referendum on his administration tomorrow, when millions of Americans swipe their CVC cards on their Diebechtel DomestoDemocratoMatic™ voting machines and press the button which will indicate their personalised opinion of the way their country has been governed for the past two years.
White House spokesperson Hooter Fubsy said today that America's voting machines are "one hundred and ninety-four per cent working", so there is unlikely to be any repeat of the embarrassment caused four years ago, when a 24-hour electricity blackout caused a vote which was widely perceived as a referendum on the administration's energy policy to be placed in what the White House calls "a permanent state of suspended declaration".
The Civic Virtue Credit system, which the Prime Minister is expected to introduce in Britain once the last of the National Identity Databases has been completely outsourced to Calcutta, has also "undergone extensive positive enhancement", according to Mr Fubsy.
"Specifically, the glitch which during the last voterisation motivity exercise permitted voting only by registered malcontents has now been rectificated," Mr Fubsy said.
Under the Homeland Constitution, registered malcontents are not normally granted sufficient Civic Virtue Credits to cast even single votes, in case their influence causes "liberty lurch", the societal instabilitisation phenomenon which, if left to itself, can endanger the very existence of democracy by causing incorrect choices to be made.
For the first time, voters this year will have more than two choices thanks to the flexible democrativity feature on the new Diebechtel machines. Besides the usual opinions of "Perfect" and "Damn Near Perfect", Americans will also be able to vote for a third option, "Mighty Fine". It is thought that this will enable pollsters to attain a more nuanced vision of the American public's state of mind.
The Commander-in-Chief himself is said to be "quietly confident" of the usual 98%-99.99% rating of "Perfect", although some commentators have suggested that the new "Mighty Fine" rating may cause the administration an unpleasant surprise.
The Commander-in-Chief appeared to anticipate the possibility of a lowered rating during yesterday's press conference from the Oval Bunker via terror-hardened weblink. "It is not the place of Americans to be satisfied with less than perfection," the Commander-in-Chief said. "Accordingly, a vote for a lower degree of approval can mean only one thing: evil wins."
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