The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

News 2020

Criminal actualitisation potential measures possibilitised

Potentially criminal children who fail to actualitise their designated tendencies could face financial and community penalties in later life under a measured new package of announcements packaged today by the Government in an announcement of measures today.

Under present legislation children merely have to pass three DNA tests at birth, 18 months and three years old, in addition to both parents' national identity records being checked for anti-humanitarian tendencies, non-respectful behaviour or misuse of liberty.

If all checks are satisfactory, the child is permitted to be inducted into almost any faith school of its parents' choice, provided the parents' academic records and sexual activities are to the school's satisfaction, for instruction concerning the perils of original sin, intellectual pride and consumeristic scientism.

Any child who fails any one of the tests is immediately deemed eligible for moral reclamation and is placed in the permanent care of the Youth Activity Betterment Action through Deoxyribonucleic Acid Based Anticipation by Data Omnipresence Organisation (YABADABADOO).

However, the Government believes that the organisation's policy of continuous surveillance of all potential suspects from initial failure until final inability to afford further care is insufficient to deliver the crushing victory which would bring the war against crime within measurable distance of winnability.

Today's packagement of announces includes measures to flexibilitise the response of the enforcement industry to non-active potential criminals and thus reduction the wastage of police time spent waiting for such people to commit crimes.

Children who are arrested or placed under an infantile disciplinary interdiction for official tracking (IDIOT) by an appropriate parental substitute, such as a military contractor or non-hate-preaching imam, will be penalised for attempted avoidance of genetic heritage if found guilty of malicious legality.

Announcing the commensupackage in Parliament this morning, the Minister of Redemption said that it was only fair to the taxpayer to ensure that the national criminality databases were accurate with regard to as near an appropriate percentage of the population as could be achieved in the current financial climate.

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