The Happy New Year

As the Old Year was dragging itself out, it met the New Year strolling in amid glad tidings of its predecessor's demise. From a hopeful beginning a twelvemonth before, the Old Year's reputation had plummeted so far that the best most people had to say of it was that it was no longer in front of them.

"My dear fellow," said the New Year, "I trust you are looking forward to your retirement."

"Alas," said the Old Year, "I have done my time and served my purpose, and all I have to show for it is indigestion from all the horrors that have gone on in me, and the knowledge that I am no better than my predecessors."

"I, on the other hand," said the New Year, wiping the sands of time on the doormat, "come in laden with honours and stuffed with resolutions to make myself as happy and prosperous as the vagaries of chance, the weaknesses of human nature and the prompting of expediency permit me to be."