The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Britain Basks in Heatwave Panic

Britain basked in record temperatures and water shortage panic this weekend as temperatures rose to record levels amid panic about potential water shortages.

Some of the hottest temperatures yet known to man drew joyful Britons into their streets and gardens in order to indulge in the traditional British summer pastimes of making noise and turning purple.

But there was a darker undertaste to the brightness of the springtime as officials warned that the country's moisture resources could soon be dangerously depleted.

"As so often we are being forced to clear up the mess left by the previous government," foamed Conservative spokesbeing Todhunter Quaff.

"Frozen moisture has caused difficulties during the winter months owing to excessive amounts on railway tracks and pavements, but thanks to our bloated public sector we now have tons of grit and the potential for a hosepipe ban in three days."

The potentially catastrophic heatwave has also raised temperatures in the ongoing controversy over climate change, as global warming revisionists claimed it as proof that the planet is actually cooling down and warned environmentalists not to confuse climate with weather.

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