The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Domestic Economies

As the New New Labour project sputtered to its ignominious end, it appears that Alan Johnson grew bored with kidnapping asylum seekers and detaining Muslims without trial, and decided to apply his government's penchant for instant and utter policing to a more deserving target group. Naturally, the scheme to remove wife-beaters and child-beaters from family homes has been among the first to be shelved by the new Home Secretary, Theresa May. A spokesbeing claimed that May considered tackling violence against women a priority, provided that it was done on the cheap; any good housewife should realise that it won't be much fun outside the body-cast if the country's books don't balance. Daveybloke's Cuddly Conservatives believe in family values: if a woman is being beaten up, she should stay and take it. If she happens to be one of the deserving minority, she has only to get on her bike and return to the parental manor. Should her parents be away doing innocent things in Belize or somewhere, the lady should make use of her holdings in firms such as G4S, Serco and, soon enough, the local McPolice™, in order to ensure the safety of herself, her chattels and however many soldiers and stockbrokers of tomorrow she has been able to breed.

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