Trussing Up the Expendables

After only a week or two of northern prole submergence, and a personal visit to the provinces, Britain's Head Boy's token filly at the Department for Dumping Green Crap has discovered that flood defences might need a bit of a boost here and there. A "partnership group" is to be set up, in which the Clegg-pledging token filly at the Department for Energising Climate Change and a nice chap called Rory will help local residents and community groups to buck up and stop expecting the Government to step in. "After seeing first-hand the impact of the flooding in the north of England it is clear that the growing threat from more extreme weather events means we must reassure ourselves, and those communities at risk, that our defences, our modelling and our future plans are robust," babbled the token filly for dumping green crap, who somehow failed to internalise these rather obvious points after the south of England was flooded in 2013, or after Cumbria was flooded in 2012, or after any number of reports from sources other than Nigel Lawson about the likely effects of climate change. On the progressive side, the remains of the Environment Agency, which the Bullingdons have been happily slicing up between environmental disasters, will be brought in to provide sandbags and lend a sickly green veneer to whatever combination of shale-fracking, profiteering and business as usual is eventually decided upon.