Fuelling Dissent

Yet another enemy of the people has taken advantage of the judiciary's nominal independence from the executive in order to attempt sabotage upon our precious national unity. The high court has ruled that the Government is breaking the law by refusing to publish its plans to cut air pollution - a petty and insignificant issue which is believed to cause a mere forty thousand premature deaths a year, mostly among proles, NHS bed-blockers and other expendables. In November another enemy of the people declared that the Government's draft plans were illegal, though it remains unclear from what specific combination of normal ineptitude, concern for the well-being of fossil-fuel lobbyists, and recent efficiency savings in the civil service. The Government, which always has more important things to do than worry about public health, pleaded that publishing the revised plans during the automatic ratification of a Conservative government might lead to their being labelled Conservative government plans, which would obviously go against every principle of British justice. With the relevant ministry still in the charge of the gormless Andrea Leadsom, some spirit of charity from the courts would surely have been in order.