Winning Through by Making Do

Since so many civil servants were efficientised away in the bonfire of red tape that lit the Osbornomic miracle - to the usual chorus of hosannas from the Liberal Democrats - the Government has been forced to look elsewhere for expert negotiators towards our forthcoming victory. Naturally, the first choice of the Department for Accepting Unconditional Euro-wog Surrender is a specialist in war. William Ury claims to have helped the American and Soviet governments avert accidental nuclear war during the 1980s; although of course that was a long time ago, before deregulation, when everybody's missiles were commonly expected to fly towards the enemy. Ury is a Harvard Fellow (couldn't they afford an Oxbridge man?) who has mediated in conflicts ranging from the Colombian civil war to the Balkans and the Middle East, the latter presumably without treading over-much upon the financial perks of Tony the Peacemaker. It is to be hoped that Ury's previous experience will serve him well in dealing with the Anglo-Brussels War; particularly when it comes to such fundamental matters as distinguishing between the goodies and the baddies.